It is the badge that I cannot wear. Don't get me the wrong way, I am not ashamed of my skin color, I have a black girlfriend too - glaring at me as I type this, I will pay for my perfidy- and I am very passionate about Africa. Sound like the traditional escape of the racist? OK, I'll drop it. I discarded my foreign religion and work assiduously for the uplifting of our (?) people. I even have long locked hair, smoke weed and raise my fist from time to time -in my fantasies. In real life, I am me, just me. My ID declares that I am Kenyan, ergo I am. Yet, I am uncomfortable about emotional attachment to geography and race, and I cringe whenever I hear people say,' we Africans'.

In Premiership football, I do not support Arsenal (the old black team) or Portsmouth (the new black team). As a good Kenyan, I never support South Africa or Nigeria in any competition. I like the Senegalese team but not because they are African. I just like their football. I always support Germany or the Netherlands or Argentina over Brazil. I don't like Thierry Henry, but I rather like Hadji Diouf. I do not play basketball

I do not listen to rap, or hip-hop, ever. I like some reggae but not all of it. I do not like dancing and I do not care who Diddy or Duddy is, or whether he is a cool cat or not. I do not want to be cool, I do not wear bling. I don't listen to Mary J Blige, but I listen to a lot of alternative rock and U2 is just heavenly, so the duet with Mary J was ethereal. I love two Lenny Kravitz songs, although I could tolerate another three. I would rather read a good book or talk philosophy than party ‘like an African'. I love some Gabriel Garcia Marquez, some Isabella Allende, Nadine Gordimer and V.S Naipaul. Chinua Achebe is a legend, but I don't like Wole Soyinka at all. I do not rate Nelson Mandela highly as a thinker or a reformer, although I think Desmond Tutu and Jimmy Carter are brave Christians.

My conception of home is Kisumu. I love my city with all of its warts. There's a lot of dancing there, a lot of people having fun, making merry. My home is not Africa. When I go home, I do not go to Africa, I go to Kenya.

I know nothing about African customs. I read quite a lot so I know about some Agikuyu customs and Luo ones, I also know quite a number of Gujarati customs. I know about the customs of my parents' people, the Bukusu. I do not know any African customs though. I rather admire the history of some communities and famous people down the ages. Cyrus the Great, Mekatilili, Koitalel Arap Samoei, and so on. I even have a vague fondness for Napoleon and Thomas Jefferson, although the adventures of Samouri Toure and Uthman don Fodio don't particularly tickle my fancy.

At university, I do not hang out with the Africans, or attend black parties. I am not a member of the Afro-Caribbean students' society. I have many friends from Nigeria, from the Ivory Coast and I have these sessions where I sit with these Burundians and contemplate the strumming of Congolese guitarists. I attend good parties, and I drink as much as I can sometimes.

I am not a brother, or your dog or your blood. When in my city I look to the lake with a spiritual fondness and I sometimes think wistfully of my ancestors and all who went before me, but make no mistake I do not belong to some African religion. Maybe I would if one existed, but it doesn't.

When I sit down to eat, I do not eat African food. I like my jollof rice, and my ugali just fine. I love roast maize, and I eat my mango kiswahili, i.e. with chilli on it. Love my tilapia fried that special way we do it in Kisumu. I read African literature. I love Youssou, Salif Keita, Baaba Mal, Ismael Lo and the gentle strumming of some of Lingala, but I cannot stand Nigerian music. I love Sufi music or anything inspired by it. A R Rehman is a genius. I do not think there is such a thing as African culture.

I feel no kinship towards Nigerians, or African-Americans. In the American Presidential election, my head supports Ron Paul and my heart supports Mike Gravel, if I had to select one of the miasma candidates I would go for John Edwards. Not Barack Obama. I think both Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice are disgraceful people; I would not join any groups cheering them on, or taking pride in their achievements.

I believe that Afrocentricity is fluffy nonsense, much like the myths of supreme Arian hordes. I did not celebrate when Wangari Maathai won the Nobel Prize. She is here on Friday, I may go to listen but I am afraid I will not gain much. Ngugi is a great writer so I think I will pass by his tent. The Nigerian elections filled me with just about as much shame as did the American ones. When the Zimbabwean government cracks down on its opponents, I feel terrible, but not any more than I do when it is the government of Pakistan.

You get it by now I hope. Africa is not a country. Africans are not a people. There is no such thing as African culture, or African football, or African food, or art or music or theatre and we certainly do not think alike. We are just like any other people. Independent of mind, quirky and conservative, quiet and loud, hedonistic, iconoclastic, lazy and hardworking, varied in our passions and our tastes. I do not believe in Africa, I am not proud to be African. I want to say I am an African, but not just yet.