... most of us. For those of us that are constantly running away from our own realities, then truth sometimes evades us. It feels like I have been undergoing this block for as long as I can remember but truth is;  at some point interest in trying eluded me or I eluded it. WHO KNOWS! 

Its one of those nights that I try to quietly sort out my thoughts and feelings towards life. I replay most of my day's conversations and try to make sense of what I have lived through today. My first reality is that I live a life far from the one I dream for myself. I miss the things that I left behind behind and my own dreams haunt me so bad.

 Sometimes when she listens to me. She gets saddened by the fact that I seem to constantly get to this point where I sigh and just give up. Then I get fired up and excited about something .... not for long though because the cycle starts all over again. We have this same conversations everyday. I know I will and can make it, but...

Do not haunt me please. Let me rest.  Let me lie here in my own madness. Let my deamons deal with me. Just do not leave me your cross to bear ... mine has gotten a bit heavier by the years and it seems its all I can handle. We are one because nature and life allowed us to be one. I realise that your dreams for my life and what you thought would be me is no longer a possibility. Please  allow for this faded light to find its way. To continue to batter me even when I lay here as helpless as can be cannot bring forth any good or push  me towards the right direction. All I know is that I wish not to follow my heart when you overburden me.

I speak from a heart that is tormented and yet I know this one truth. They can take everything away from me ... but really they can never finish me. At least not yet. This one truth guides me; I can make if I try.

These are just my heart's words. They are all written down as they came down to me. I just have to apologize if they make no sense or seem all over  the place. I love to grow with no restrictions I guess.