The difference between them, of course, were antiretroviral drugs (ARVs). While my relative lived in Kenya, and was in denial about both her HIV status and her imminent death, my acquaintance was a relatively wealthy American, with access to cutting-edge medical healthcare and kick-ass insurance. For one, the shame and stigma of her HIV-positive status kept her from seeking medical advice until there was virtually nothing that medical professionals could do for her; for the other, his HIV-positive status is now a health condition to be managed in the same way as high cholesterol or diabetes.

Do you read the obituaries in the newspapers? Have you ever turned towards the back pages of the local press and seen that so-and-so has died after “a brief and sudden illness?” I have, and I have often wondered about how many of them died from Aids, but their families have chosen euphemism in a misguided attempt to protect their modesty or honour. Have you ever read the personal advertisements in the weekend editions? “God-fearing man seeks similar woman for relationship and possibly marriage. Clear HIV certificate required.” I don't know about you, but I usually meet people and decide whether I like them before I start considering whether I need to know their health history.

In Kenya, there are very few individuals who are willing to admit and own their HIV-positive status. A positive HIV test remains a source of shame, something to be hidden from society at large, from our families, and even potentially our sexual partners. While the West characterised the Aids epidemic as a “gay disease” when it first appeared, in Africa it became apparent very quickly that infections were rising fastest among heterosexuals. Yet people would still swear blind that they must have been infected by a dirty needle, an errant dentist or through the infidelity of their partners, rather than admit that it was they themselves who had indulged in risky behaviour.

Access to ARVs in Kenya remains restricted to those who are able to pay. Those who cannot are effectively left to their fate. While a number of NGOs and charities attempt to counter the inequality of access, the overwhelming number of HIV-positive individuals in the country can only place themselves at the mercy of their family or wider support group. If their status becomes known, they may lose their jobs or their housing. In the worst cases, their own families will ostracise them, leaving them with no support structure whatsoever. No wonder that those who receive a positive diagnosis will resort to desperate measures to keep their status a secret.

Kenyans, and everyone else who believes that HIV-positive individuals are modern-day lepers, need to grow up. You cannot and will not catch Aids from using the same cutlery as a sufferer, from using the same bathroom, or even from sharing a kiss. People with Aids do not automatically taint anything they touch. Anything less than unprotected sexual contact or other swapping of bodily fluids will not condemn you to the same fate. Today, with the right medical care, an HIV-positive mother can give birth to an HIV-negative baby. It is indeed possible for a couple with “mismatched” HIV status to give birth to healthy offspring, provided the correct precautions are in place. The continual shunning of HIV-positive individuals does nobody any favours, and shows those of negative status in a bad light.There is a meme, amongst those who seek to apportion blame for HIV/Aids infection, to make the distinction between “good Aids” and “bad Aids.” Those with “good Aids” have typically been infected through a botched blood transfusion, where the blood bank didn't carry out screening and was subsequently found to be infected. Those with “bad Aids” have engaged in gay sex, or needle-sharing when using intravenous drugs, and therefore deserve everything that is coming to them. Aids sufferers in Kenya overwhelmingly have neither excuse, and are instead guilty of nothing more than trusting the person they were making love to at the time.

Having sex should not be a death sentence. Doing the horizontal tango is both fun and – currently – the most efficient way of producing babies. It is also one of the many ways that people express their feelings of intimacy for their partner. Sadly, while religious organisations and Kenyan society's so-called “moral guardians” rail against sex education in schools, and while condoms remains a luxury indulgence rather than a human right, it is also one of the means by which HIV/Aids can be spread from partner to partner. Making the beast with two backs, especially with a new partner, has never been more fraught with danger.

Ideally, everyone would get tested on a regular basis. Ideally, everyone would practice safe sex. Ideally, we would all have access to ARVs, were we to have the misfortune to be diagnosed as HIV-positive. We don't, however, live in an ideal world. Realistically, we can only make the best with what we have. As such, we should all start agitating for greater access to and use of condoms, better education in schools and for couples, increased use of ARVs in the Kenyan healthcare system, and greater tolerance of those who have received a positive HIV diagnosis. The world's incidence of Aids death can be brought down, but this is one of the times where the developed world can only offer assistance, not leadership. Kenya can do this on her own, but it will take a mighty effort and change of heart to do so.