Barely a day after the swearing in of the Grand Coalition Cabinet, President Mwai Kibaki and Prime Minister Raila Odinga told Kenyans to “stop the stupidity and shut up” if they wanted the two leaders to loosen the firm grip they have on the country. The president accused Kenyans of hypocrisy for criticizing him and Raila for forming a bloated Cabinet.

“Kenyans asked Raila and I to stop killing poor people and we did,” the president said, obviously agitated. “They told us to form a Grand Coalition Government and we have. So where is all this stupidity coming from?”

Kibaki said the bloated Cabinet was as spit in the faces of Kenyans and the international community for forcing him and Raila to share power. Kibaki shot back at those who say the Cabinet of 40 was too big, saying they did not understand the power-sharing agreement signed in February between him and Raila.

“I was one of the first Kenyans to attend Makerere University, so let me tell you pumbavus that the meaning of the word ‘grand’ is not very far from ‘bloated,’” the president said.

Before Kibaki could answer whether he planned to empty the treasury for the purchase of plush limousines for all the ministers and their assistants, Raila interjected to say that it was part of the deal to share power.

“Once again, let’s look up the word ‘grand,’ Raila said, pulling out of his back pocket what he thought was a dictionary. “Oops! That is the Bible I used to take the oath,” he added causing immense laughter from the Cabinet side of the chambers.

When he finally found the Oxford English Dictionary he said: “’Grand’ means ‘impressive in size, stately, majestic, magnificent, splendid. That is what Kenyans asked for.”

The prime minister agreed with his former rival that Kenyans were “indeed stupid.”

“If they don’t shut up Emilio and I are going to appoint a Cabinet of 210,” Raila said.

Reliable sources report that since Raila’s threat to appoint all MPs to the Cabinet if Kenyans continued to act stupid, lawmakers, who don’t usually return to their constituencies unless they are seeking re-election, have been going around asking those they represent to “act stupid” if they wanted their MP appointed minister.

Of the more than 600,000 internally displaced people, Kibaki and Raila said the poor people were better off than they were before the post-election violence that killed more than 1,000 Kenyans.

“Before the violence, those Kenyans lived in single families, isolated from their neighbors,” Raila said.

“And now those Kenyans are united as one, bonded together by the sharing of tents and toilets,” Kibaki added. “We couldn't think of a better way to bring the country together after the tribal violence.” 

When Edwin Okong'o is not writing and editing news, he is writing satire and telling jokes. This article is published exclusively for KenyaImagine. Reproduction is unauthorised except with the express permission of the editors who can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it