Home
Spoil the Rod not the Child PDF Print E-mail
Written by Angela Wairimu   
Tuesday, 16 January 2007

I was sitting at the coach station, waiting on a trip up-state last week when I was accosted by the most ghastly sight. A well-dressed middle aged lady whacked her five-six year old son clean across the mouth. If that left me open-mouthed in shock, what really dropped my jaw was the reaction of the thirty or so people around me. No one raised the slightest protest or even gave too much of a look, the idea being that this was private business, the realm of the parent, and mummy knew best. 

The world has moved on quite a bit from the days when it was permissible, even commendable to chastise one's wife and ‘put her in place'. We have also stopped, at least in public, poking fun at the learning disabled or pulling dangerous pranks on them. Indeed, it is now the practice when struggling to make a case for the invasion of exotic Middle Eastern lands, the plight of women and children is often used, especially to paint the regimes and societies we are promising to emancipate them from, as barbaric and unapologetically backward. 

In part these changes were brought about by a humanist determination that society's most vulnerable are not subjected to harm while we stand idly by, that we instead  are burdened with a duty to protect them. For these same reasons we decided to ignore such religious writings and teachings as would encourage or permit such action, and sought instead to focus on those elements of scripture that urged us to care for one another, affording special attention to the lowly and the weak. No longer can a wife-beater seek succour in religious texts that pronounce him head of his wife and her master. Our rendering of such verses in the modern context, place instead a burden on the Christian husband to provide her relief and love every day of her life. 

So it is odd, that the world's largest retailer of books, Amazon and one of the strongest religious movements in the Western Hemisphere, American Evangelicals of a conservative bent, should support the distribution and sale of a book that not only teaches but also preaches the physical disciplining of children. Euphemistically termed spanking, but nonetheless properly named beating, caning and thrashing as the case may be. This book deceptively enounced Shepherding a Child's HeartShepherding a Child's Heart is a true instruction manual for the child beater, and the fact that the name child-beater does not quite bring out the revulsion that wife-beater does is emblematic of the power of such arguments as it proposes.

Why do we still tolerate a situation where the smallest, most vulnerable and dependent in society are the only ones without protection from assault under the law?

The apple they say, does not fall far from the tree, and so it is that just like was the case with the subjugation of womankind, Divine Wisdom is pronounced to justify violence on the weak, the weapon of choice being "He that spares his rod hates his son: but he that loves him chastises him sometimes" (Proverbs 13:24). Such is the self-righteousness behind some of the defenders of this practice that they even insist that all good Christians must beat their children to set them straight  in the path of the true faith.

Kenyan children still suffer similar treatment, similarly justified. That such abuse of children, in Kenya and around the world often survives legislation as is clear from these reports here from Human Rights Watch, is proof that concerted political leadership is needed to fight this cruelty just as was the case in the emancipation of women.

Many reading this will no doubt contend that there is a difference between spanking and beating, and that they perhaps have enjoyed the benefits of such physical counsel in the past. There was a time when sections of  the female society also held such beliefs, and we did not listen, with good reason. Assault is illegal, it matters not who the violent action comes from. 

We have grown as a society to accept that violent action against our weaker members is barbaric, now we must work to protect the very weakest of all. Those invoking God's name in their ill-treatment of children would do well to heed another admonition of the Christ's for those doing harm to children, "It would be better for them if a millstone was hanged about their neck, and that they were drowned in the depth of the sea."


Angela Wairimu
About the author:




Digg!Del.icio.us!Google!Facebook!Technorati!StumbleUpon!Newsvine!Yahoo!Ma.gnolia!Free social bookmarking plugins and extensions for Joomla! websites!
Trackback(0)
Comments (18)add
0
Every child\'s parent
written by abdulmote , January 16, 2007
This is indeed a difficult subject if I may say. The consequential question never fails to pop up immediately we start debating on the merits or demerits of chastising a child. But everytime Ihave saked myself such an obvious question, I have always found it difficult to suggest a suitable reaction for the fear of coming out to be wrong in my thinking and act as if I can be every child's parent. Here we are debating an issue which could end up having a huge bearing on a child's life, that one must not take it casually in recommending what may be good or otherwise very bad for any child, even if their own!

Looking at this question 'casually' on the outside, I am inclined to think that sometimes measured forms of violence become necessary as a deterrent against wrong doing by humanbeings, even as a whole and not just as a child. If that be the case, how do we then make sure that only the appropriate and deserving detterants are metted out against the offendors without being unnecessarily abusive? And if such measures cannot practically be controlled or standardised, then what alternatives should we put in place, that we as a society are not completely facing a potential and probable loss?
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
0
Discipline not terror
written by Nekessa , January 16, 2007
The relationship between parent and child, or teacher and child, needs to be one of respect not fear. When one introduces the kind of flogging known in Kenyan schools and homes, then fear is instituted in a child from early on. In raising children, parents while teaching right from wrong need to show consequences of wrong by some sort of punishment that does not spell violence... children will learn.
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
0
It takes a village...
written by Honey , January 16, 2007
I wish to point out that flogging in Africa cannot be equated to terror. Most Africans have been flogged, and turned out just right. I got ten strokes of the cane on my first day of class one, I have no ill feelings for the teacher, never had. It was not meant to destroy my person. Matter of fact, I am a staunch supporter of Corporal punishemnt in schools, and honestly beleive Kenya needs it.

Some ways of flogging are outright abuse, for instance a smacking a child across the face. This kind of abuse is most likely to occur in the West, as opposed to Africa. One reason being the deteriorating social structure. There are so many dysfunctional families, and these families are primarily nuclear. Parenting in the West is a big burden. Parents are stressed fulltime. Check with your local daycare charges, health care costs, and then picture a single mother earning minimum wage. Why else are countries like Germany enticing people to have babies ($10,000 per head born after jan 1 2007). The costs of raising it are way up there, people can not take the stress anymore. As a result, parents end using their children as frustaration outlet, forcing the govt to step in. In Africa, families will most likely be extended, and if a child fails to get directed at home, an uncle or aunt is at hand to guide. Of course the metropolis are fast doing away with that extended issue, but it still plays a role.

In the West, children have very many people telling them what to do, from the govt to thugs...it is almost impossible to get it right.
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
0
Angela!!
written by Stephen Wanyama , January 17, 2007
I am shocked to read anything from Angela Wairimu that does not blow the Christian trumpet, but her views no doubt chime with the central message of the Gospel.

I have always found that the notion that beating a child is a sign of love very disturbing. As the writer states, not too long ago men were said to beat their wives out of love. Like we were discussing on another thread with regard to sexual violence and the marriage bed, some rights have no 'states of exception'. Just as justice decrees that a man cannot force a woman into a sexual act, so does it demand that all violence against the weak is immoral and unjust.

Abdul and Honey's comments above sympathise with the lazy parenting that sees violence against the child, no matter how 'gentle' as a solution to discipline problems, I wonder

a)at what age would you start or stop this treatment
b)what is it you are hoping to teach the child that could not be imparted otherwise
c)why are there millions of children across the world who have never been 'flogged' but who still 'turn out right'
d)if the case is that some children, need, special treatment, does that also mean you would cane a mentally disabled person? If not, why not and what is the difference then?
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
0
Discipline the child
written by Amina , January 17, 2007
I am glad that Angela equates wifebeating to child beating.. since the two are not too far apart.

Wanyama raises valid points, when shall enough be enough. A child learns as a child is brought up... as early as they are born, they learn to recognise right from wrong based on the reaction around them. This is what a parent needs to instill in their child, as well as detailed discussions on their actions.

Once a child is a teenager, then they will know to make sound decisions based on their upbringing, leaving no room for the saying, "when the cat is away, the mice come out to play."

Children brought up in the west bring another challenge to parents-- a lack of respect for one's elders. This has nothing to do with flogging. I do not have to hit my child for him to know that he should be polite to my visitors,not use foul language et al. It is a cop-out to blame stress on the lack of responsibilty in bringing up a child.
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
0
...
written by donworry , January 17, 2007
I like the quote above that the fruit don't fall too far from the tree. Our old folk also said "mtoto wa nyoka ni nyoka"

Rudeness and impolite behaviour by our children is often inherited from the adults. This causes shame and fear and parents resort to using force hoping to undo the results of long term poor parenting with a belt and a few blows! How silly.

Beating, chastising, disciplining, smacking, leather, whips, etc should be left in the bedrooms of consenting adults
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
0
The two are different!
written by abdulmote , January 18, 2007
"I am glad that Angela equates wifebeating to child beating.. since the two are not too far apart."

Wife beating is certainly NOT EQUAL to "child" beating! I would like to think that the term "wife" in this reference implies a female 'adult' and the term "child" implies young toddlers of say one year old to shall we say twelve years old juveniles. The age difference in the implied categories therefore is obvious, of course with a few exceptions here and there. The "wives" being beaten or 'physically abused' are in the category of adults and the 'children' being beaten are in the category of younger persons. It follows that the motivations behind the beaters are not necessarily the same, each pursuing its own objective or merely reflecting given circumstances or order of given persons.

Such is the case that each scenario ought to be treated and looked at differently on their own merit or otherwise. Wife beating is extremely wrong, irrespective of the motive behind the beater!

Child beating on the other hand…is a complex topic which requires clear and broader, open minded approach. Let us then explore various scenarios and try to understand the justification or otherwise before we jump to a hasty and generalsed conclusion eh.
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
0
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?
written by Vitalis Oyudo , January 19, 2007
Abdulmote,
Are you suggesting it is wrong to beat someone because they are not weak? So that somehow beating a child has to take place between the ages of one and twelve. So when the child becomes strong enough, they are not to be beaten any more!!!!!

I read that you are leaving England!! Hurry up then, you could get locked up soon for your extremist views.

There's no call for open-mindedness here. Abuse is abuse, and it is wrong!!Can you explain why children should be beaten? Why do you think it in necessary?
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
0
Are there bad children?
written by Nekessa , January 19, 2007
In her book the Fifth Child
, Doris Lessing introduces the evil child. Born to a happy family, Ben a monstrous little child terrorises his parents. They say he is monstrous in appearance, insatiably hungry, abnormally strong, demanding and strong. The only time, Ben's parents had any peace, Ben was asleep. Well, until they took him to a mad house. I bring Ben up because I know when parents hit their children it is out of exasperation and anger. It is hardly to discipline the child. Children, as adults, can be trying, but we don't go about hitting adults who have done us wrong. (do they still whip prisoners?)

Another case in point-- Boys of Baraka
- a group of trouble boys from Baltimore are taken to a boarding school in Kenya. Without being beaten, these boys are turned around with strict discipline. One just has to be firm with kids!!
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
0
To spank or not to spank ?
written by Bosibori Ndemo , January 20, 2007
It is undeniable that as societies evolve,rules that govern a societies conduct evolve as well.In the same light laws that protect the rights of the child should be fastened as well,but my contention does not rest with parents who spank,rather with those who abuse it and use it innapropriately.A simple act of spanking a child in anger is translated to the child's mind and into his/her adulthood as aggression /violence being the remedy to solving conflict.

On the flip side spanking that is administered in private by a calm parent seeks to fulfil the purpose of dettering misdemeanor.Spanking is a contentious subject even among various psychologists and is a subject that has remained inconclusive,though majority seem to agree that the attitude of the one adminstering it determines how effective the spanking will be as a dettering tool.There is a sharp contrast between opposing abusive spanking and beating and spanking per se .

In my opinion,discipline should be intergrated in a way that not only one form is adminstered but rather the employment of a mosaic of disciplining forms. On the contrary a child beater connotes one who brutally beats up child/children while a wife beater connotes an abusive husband, the term child beater engenders more revulsion.while others may be strongly opposed to spanking, contradicting examples are likely to be applied.Therefore as we strive to advocate for the eradication of physical punishment past examples of societies that have eradicated physical discipline by parents should hold as specimen for societies that haven't while in addition being conscious of the difference that socio-economic status has on a society.Little can only be left to the imagination what implications the abandoning of this kind of discipline form and what its effects will have on figures in authority.

Are we going to be pushed to the point where metal detectors are placed in school doors and teachers and parents scurrying for safety as defiant children rule with their bouting tantrums.
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
0
No-Spanking Law in California
written by Mwende , January 20, 2007
Democrat, Sandy Lieber proposes a bill that will "help"
young children. Haki me I say chapa those kids!! Bosie above raises a very good point!
Are we going to be pushed to the point where metal detectors are placed in school doors and teachers and parents scurrying for safety as defiant children rule with their bouting tantrums.
well, are we? children need to fear and respect their parents! that's how I grew up, and I am the better for it!! I did not sass my parents, and knew right from wrong because if I did not kiboko!! :D
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
0
"A little spanking"?
written by noel , January 21, 2007
There is a thin line between disciplining and destroying. Indeed studies have proven that many a child who was beaten around by their parent has ended up carrying along these tendencies to their children. The cycle goes on and on. A circle of evil is created. In spite the rare occurence of paradoxes who have vowed never to be like their parents, this holds as being the truth 90% of the time.

At the same time parents must find a way to be firm and assertive when they feel their children are straying. A little spanking may be in order.A problem arises here when parents go out of control. Everyone has their own degree of "a little spanking". For this reason then I do not support parents hitting their children about.
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
0
I think it\'s alright to spank
written by Eve6 , January 22, 2007
I was spanked by my mother and whacked in school and i turned out fine. :lol:
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
0
...
written by emmo opoti , January 23, 2007
Under no circumstances should any child be subjected to 'violence', beating a child, no matter how well-meant is violent, and just as uncivilised as beating your wife.

There are street urchins who live out of bins their whole lives and who turn out 'well', this does not lead us into commending eating other people's left overs. Similarly, while the deleterious effects of cigarette articles are well known, there's nonagenarian smokers.

Like previous respondents have urged, we ought, just as we have done with caning in schools, to slap a ban on violence of all sorts at home. Without a doubt this will be difficult to police, even impossible, but our experience with street criminals and women, two classes of people previously suffering the state's non-protection, shows us that time wears old habits away when backed up by the law.
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
0
Spanking aint all bad!
written by Punks vs. children. , January 28, 2007
Comparing the 'success' of street urchins to children at home is lop-sided, at best.

Should we not be looking at the probability that a street urchin will turn out right, as opposed to a 'spanked' child?

I prefer to go with Dr. Huxtables theories: Children are not the innocent polite things we all so think of them. They will push limits, stomp, throw tantrums to get their way. They will howl for no reason, just so u caint sleep. Of course, there are the biologically 'dormant ones' who will tow the line without the spank. The hyper ones will need firm direction....if u dont spank them...they will blame you in the future, the same way they will blame you if you spank them.
Since none of them comes with a manual, do your best, just know the difference btwn abuse and proper direction.
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
0
...
written by aeichener , February 05, 2007
1. Spanking or corporal punishment needs not generally and inevitably harm or damage the child lastingly, as Eve6 observed. Just as not every defilement (Kenyan English) or even rape necessarily will harm the victim lastingly. But both have such potential, and that explains the widespread aversion in our days. For while it may take a village to raise a child successfully, a single parent can suffice to deform and spoil it.

2. I disagree a bit with Emmo's absolutism, and tend to side (carefully though, and only with a single toe in the water) with the opinions of "Punks vs. children", of Noel (very well written and circumspect!), and of the carefully pondered first posting of Abdulmote.

3. Childen are small humans, not angels. Nekessa and P.vs.Ch. have explained that. But just as we don't beat our parents or marriage partners when they disbehave, the mere fact alone that children can (and will) do fully imputable evil, does not necessarily justifiy corporal punishment. There are however measures of last resort (not even to speak of self-defence), and I am loath to criticize or even condemn parents who use force as such rare ultimate resort. It would be too easy to pontificate from a safe haven.

4. "Controlled and composed" child-beaters are definitely not better than the one exasperated mother who in a single moment of desperation gives her little monster a slap to get him or her back to normalcy. In fact, I estimate them as worse.
Let me give an example: a partner of mine had (and has) a father who was a strict and much-feared disciplinarian towards his children. The relationship today is respectful and polite from both sides (the father indeed, these days, visibly respects the lady very much; and he is a kind and convivial chap now, whom I esteem, and a loving and very mild grandfather). But this father's wrong attitude has lastingly altered the relationship between him and his daughter, and has blighted the filial love towards a mere respect. And that is very sad for both of them.
(Very personal PS: Today she will definitely not have any man beat her or even have him merely her reproach her injustly. In fact, the experience of having suffered as a child, also injustly, makes her probably less open or willing to accept and admit being wrong, now that she is adult. And she also agrees 8) with Donworry's very nicely put statement: Beating, chastising, disciplining, smacking, leather, whips, etc should be left in the bedrooms of consenting adults)

5. As to religion, we should be aware - in view of and in contrast to Abdulmote's postings - that there are still many muslim scholars who even these days see the corporal chastisement of an "errant and unruly wife" as alllowed and licit. True, most of those do caution it as a measure of last resort, to be exercised modestly, not to be taken lightly, and certainly not as a mere steam-off of pent-up anger; but they still allow it, and may even recommend it as the better alternative to divorce. And these imams and 'ulama are not extremists or fundamentalists, mind you.

Alexander
report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
681
Destiny
written by PYXIS , August 06, 2008
If we believe in the existence of destiny, then such extended arguements would wallow in nothingness. I do believe in destiny. I do believe that what we are is no coincidence. It is what we were meant to be. Why punish a child so severely when their destiny is already spelled out. Long time ago, the believe was that we as human could not move mountains. How could we with our minute statues, be able to achieve such monstrous task? We have since proven this assumption wrong. So the key to raising a child well is by first accepting that no matter what we do, he or she will be what is written. Do not spank

report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
185
...
written by abdulmote , August 06, 2008

"accepting that no matter what we do,...will be what is written".

In other words; our 'future' is actually already in the 'past'. And that is acknowledging that whichever the direction we try to influence an outcome, the final outcome would never have been altered by that effort but indeed already predetermined, and that is the declared destiny.

And if irrespective of the influence asserted therein, the destiny remains already established, does it not then make sense to try and exercise one's influence upon any positive options available, so that if the 'destiny' is meant to be good, it can then be realised as such?

You see, there is an element of free will here. A free choice that is meant to play a part in the already predetermined outcome! How come, one may ask.

The answer lies in your belief of the greater being in life. Whether one believes in God the creator, Karma or any other supernatural 'Power', the formulas of our existence have all been worked out and the final outcomes exhaustively determined. All the possible options have been laid bare, and all remain interconnected within our existence. What follows then are just the realisations of the already predetermined, the outcome of which also depends on the path we choose to take and its predetermined influence of the final results.

Yes, as humans bestowed with the capacity of free will, we do indeed have a choice. How we choose to spend that choice is entirely upon our good selves. Yet despite our efforts, the destiny has been cast and to do nothing is but one of those choices.





report abuse
vote down
vote up
Votes: +0
Write comment

security image
Write the displayed characters


busy
Last Updated ( Tuesday, 16 January 2007 )
 
< Prev   Next >


Archives | About Us | KenyaImagine How To | Privacy Policy | ContactUs | Join KenyaImagine |  Advertise Here| Legal Disclaimer | Terms & Conditions | Directory
rss-2.png

 

Copyright 2009 KenyaImagine.com, the KenyaImagine logo and KenyaImagine.com are trademarks of  The Imagine Company