It's an accusation that has been levelled at me before, especially when dealing with people who are back in Kenya. My crime? I study in the United Kingdom.

How dare I? I could almost hear him seething into his computer screen. How dare I take up such an opportunity when there were people in Kenya who don't have anything to eat? How dare I even feign concern for Kenya, to the point of starting up an initiative to get Kenyans in the Diaspora thinking and helping with the reconciliation effort when we in the Diaspora are "just as bad as the colonialists?" (his words, not mine). I was livid.  Unfortunately, it was an accusation that I had heard before.

familiar shackling

What is it about some Kenyans that they just don't want to see a sister (or brother) get ahead? It's not like I just packed up my bag and decided to abandon Kenya. I went to Nairobi University for 2 months before I left. They wouldn't let me take my course because they thought I was overqualified to study politics. But more than all that the thing that really gets to me is that someone has the cheek to call his or her brother more or less Kenyan.

Perhaps the root of all the tensions that we're seeing in our country now is that people have the audacity to question one another's "Kenyan-ness". Maybe the reasoning is that if your great-grandad fought for independence surely you have more right to being Kenyan than someone whose grandad worked on the railway (the sellout!) or worse still remained on his farm unnaffected (how dare he?!). Maybe the reasoning is that if you, or your parents, or ancestors have been in a position of prominence in the country then you must be rich, and rich people cannot be Kenyan because they have not been part of The Struggle.

We arrive in the UK, the US and most recently, Malaysia, Singapore and Russia, unaccustomed to the vagaries of the weather, unsure about the quality of the food, and confused by the peculiarities of the languages. Because of this we immediately stand out from the crowd, more so for most of us who are black faces in a sea of white or yellow. Before long, we realise that no matter what, this place will never be home, and many of the people we encounter prefer it that way. So what can one do if your own countrymen seem eager to slam the door on you, and your new hosts want you gone?

The Kenyan Diaspora is one of the largest in Africa. Unlike our brothers and sisters in Nigeria and Ghana we don't have the benefit of dual citizenship nor do we have gold or oil money that can fund frequent hops back and forth across continents. But that does not mean that we want to sever our ties with Kenya.

In previous years the Kenyan Community Abroad has campaigned for the right to vote at embassies and High Commisions. Remittances sent home by Kenyans abroad constitute a large portion of money flowing into the country. Many of us want to come back home. Many of us want to help. But how can we when people like the friend I was speaking to have appointed themselves gate keepers of Kenya?

I refuse to reply to his accusations. At the end of the day, one does not need to justify themselves. Whatever happens, as difficult as it has been, I know I've done the best for me. I hope its the same for all of us.