I did as my mother, girlfriends and gay male friends suggested. I searched my soul and searched some more, but I found nothing. In a final throw of the dice, I turned to the culprit asking of him those words no cheater ever wants to hear ‘why?'

Not unexpectedly, my enquiries were met with a shrug of the shoulders and five minutes of stuttering and inaudible mumbling, an outpouring of what can most labelled verbal diarrhoea. Irritated, incensed, I proffered from Søren Kierkegaard : ‘Is it dark twisting passions? A basic wild ferment?'. But the whimper persisted another five minutes, beyong which I could endure no more and demanded that I set about the task myself. There must be a reason, and I shall find it!

Sigmund Freud, whom I don't much trust, has a rather curious theory about desire. Considering some of his other far-fetched theories, Oedipal complex included, I launched into his thesis with skepticism.I did not put up much resistance and persuaded by the efforts of others who have seen for to laud his vigours I decided that his idea is not only off the hook, off the chain, off the hinges. It seems to me the only plausible explanation for bed jumping.

dying to live

This theory of desire stipulates that we can cut our selves into three equal parts: the Id, the Ego and the Superego. The id is based on the pleasure principle. It wants whatever feels good for that moment, with no consideration for the reality of the situation. It doesn't care about the needs of anyone else, and demands only its own satisfaction.

Then, the ego. This force is based on the reality principle. It understands that other people have needs and desires and that sometimes being selfish or impulsive can hurt us. The ego's job is to check and balance.

Finally, there is the superego. This is the moral part of us and it develops due to the moral and ethical restraints we encounter from our socialisation. Many equate the superego with the conscience as it dictates our belief in right and wrong. To lead healthy social, personal and professional lives, we need to constantly check our perception of the reality that our efforts would lead us to ...and thus, the ego should be the strongest inducing thoughts of consequence in every situation.

Once again I ask, this time with answers, what part of a person's personality accounts for infidelity? The id? Yes, after all the id is the part of us that seeks inebriation, drug-induced highs,sexual  climaxes, and other such euphoric states.

But, I'm tired of everybody blaming things on the id. Let the id be. Why should we always blame the lowest common denominator? The id seeks pleasure; we know that, it doesn't know any better, but it is the superego that is tasked with countering those basic desires and fruitless pleasures! Let's shift blame to the superego.

If the superego is that part of us that knows better, that knows what is best in the long run, when we face tough situations such as an ass so big you can see it from the front, the superego should step up and say, "No, do not fall in love with that, because that is bad, evil." But when infidelity calls, the superego does not step up to the plate, it does not supersede the id. Thus we give in to the lowest part of ourselves. Infidelity occurs because that part of you that signals red lights and green lights has a short circuit. That part of you that says right or wrong is dysfunctional. The id seeks idle pleasure, short term pleasure, it seeks fat booty. We can't keep blaming it as though we don't know any better, as though we don't know this part of us exists. We must take responsibility over the Id. That is the job of the superego.

The reality may be that there are a plethora of reasons to justify infidelity. There is always a reason to cheat. These reasons are not provided by the id, the id is too basic, too daft, and too immediate. They are provided by the superego, our genius, all knowing conscious selves. My boyfriend doesn't treat me right, is one such argument. So blame the superego, blame that part of you that forms moral, blame that part of you that is conscious of its actions, and blame that part of you that needs to find a reason to justify infidelity. Blame the superego.

Don't blame that wild ferment, those twisting passions and those burning loins, blame the mind that contemplated the folly, and persisted undeterred.