High turnouts are a traditional indicator that voters are passionate, that they are not apathetic, that they are involved and want to take charge of their destiny. I want to join with people around the country in their pride about this election, especially in the results on the parliamentary seats. I want to say we are a democratic people, that we have set an example for other third world countries, that all that is left is ensuring accountability, but was there any design to yesterday's vote, or were factors like tribe, manipulation and euphoria more important than an analysis of the candidates?

I want very badly to join with the happy voices and declare that the Kenyan voter is not immature as this report in Newsweek suggests, Messing with Success.  I want to think that there was some reason to the procedure, an immunity from lies and deceit, that the Kenyan electorate realised that they were the masters and that MPs and the President are their servants.

Chaos theory; is there a design?

But what do I come up with instead? Well, John Michuki of the rattlesnakes is back in Parliament. He is a great hero of press freedom, and dare I say of human rights. Ephraim Maina, one of the most infamous of the road barons has made it into parliament too, from which lofty position I am sure he can make smooth Wanjiku's path to progress and development. Have you heard of Harun Mwau of Nakumatt, that intrepid slayer of corruption? Yes, preliminary reports show that he too has made it back to Parliament, along with Reuben Ndolo and Otieno Kajwang, two other politicians with the straightest backbone, showing the greatest resolve against our national ailments, wizi wa mali ya umma and abuse of public office.

Musalia Mudavadi of Goldenberg fame is also back, and likely to be sitting pretty as the Vice President, perhaps doubling as Minister for Finance the perch from which he dispensed his goodness on all of us.  William Samoei Ruto, famous for among other things dodgy land dealings, including deals that enriched the coffers of the National Social Security Fund will not be on a bench too far away, especially as he has been promised the Premiership. It is not yet clear where Henry Kosgei will be sitting, but there is plenty of evidence that he would give an arm, and a leg to the people of Kenya, just as he did to those constituents of his on whose behalf he is holding all that land. I suppose he will be instrumental in the arrangement of an Olympics, just as he was in the handling of the All Africa Games, we have long memories us Kenyans, and one good turn deserves another. I will not even say anything about the debt of gratitude we owe to him for his hard work at the Kenya National Assurance Company.

Speaking of insurance, the good people of Kabete seem to have resolved to offer to Kenyans, the services of Lewis Nguyai who you will remember for his knightly benevolence towards the public good and his constant care of his employees at his health insurance firm MediPlus .  Another loyal servant of the people is Sally Kosgei who served so diligently and kindly that some of her subordinates were moved to sue her in court for nepotism.  She rose to the very pinnacle of a government that had crushed the dreams of Kenyans underfoot, serving as its Chief Civil Servant and the secretary to its cabinet. It would be rude to spoil your fun, so maybe Google NSSF,  Sally Kosgei, Guardian International and Kenya Railways.

the butterfly effect

Let's try to be fair, why don't we? The people have after all kicked out David Mwiraria and Chris Murungaru. George Saitoti also seems to be in a pretty pickle, and the Moi boys and their uncle Nicholas Biwott are all in the rubbish heap. No? We have rejected Kamlesh Pattni and Fred Gumo, give us some  credit. But Uhuru Kenyatta still roams the halls of Parliament as prominent as ever with his influence in Central Kenya likely to grow and grow. And another friend of the larger family, Mutula Kilonzo has landed a direct ticket to parliament. Then there is Zakayo Cheruiyot, who is famous for among other things being one of the primary signatories of the Anglo-Leasing contracts . What joy his service will be to Kenya. I can see him making our borders safe, either at the Ministry of Immigration or the Ministry of Defence, maybe even the Ministry of Forensics. He can of course serve alongside the famous Sammy Mwaita, whose prodigous talents are loaned to us by the good people who previously gave us Daniel Moi that famous professor, magician, farmer and teacher. Sammy Mwaita will be crucial to our efforts at land reform, especially after his distingusihed service as the Commissioner of Lands. He was once co-accused alongside William Ruto and is also one of the staunchest defenders of Raila Odinga's Molasses land deal. This link here should take you to a report on the Ndungu Report. How many of those happy people are going to be your MPs?

I want to write here about the Presidential candidates. One who is one of the largest landowners in the country with massive estates he gained when in public office. By all accounts he had full knowledge of the Anglo-Leasing crimes, if not before their commission then definitely after John Githongo informed him. Then there is the other chap, the one whose name I daren't mention for if history is anything to go by, his violent supporters would crush my skull. His business partners are foreigners but they are not Armenian, they are only rich foreigners and he has over his recent political career become immensely wealthy, properly joining the billionaire leagues of those we love to hate.

But still we cry that we want change, we say that we are voting for change and now we are celebrating change.

Now, let me round off by mentioning some gallant soldiers on Wanjiku's behalf who have fallen by the way side. There is  Wangari Maathai who was to put it mildly, humiliated. Then there is Joe Khamisi who has been said to run one of the best CDF programmes anywhere in Kenya. There is Raphael Tuju, the indefatiguable, unbwogable former Rarieda MP, again humiliated by an ungrateful public.  There is Maoka Maore who brought CDF to parliament and managed it well in his home constituency. 

P.S. I was unsure how to react to the news that former Police Commissioner Edwin Nyaseda is the ODM security boss. Its election board chair is also a colourful personality Richard Kwach.  

Now let's huddle together and congratulate ourselves, or someone a little more optimistic can tell me what reason we have for celebrating. 

Sincerely

Party pooper.